I’ve heard a question recently which really stuck with me and I have been pondering on this ever since. Are you creating your life or are you suffering your life? Or asked in a different way… are you creating your life or are you surviving your life? Am I? Am I living in survival mode again, just getting by, just winging it, running on empty – and 75 % alcohol spray fumes? Especially now during this global pandemic much of our choices and decisions are based on survival and personally I think we are trauma responding in so many ways.
Did I come to conclusion? Did I stop living in the question and possibility that comes from asking questions and staying open to various outcomes? Some sort of fixed conclusion that this is IT? That this is now life going forward… 51 (50 came and went during 2020 lockdown with no dancing to Dance Monkey as planned with my girls 😏) and living in a surreal dystopian movie or an alternate reality I didn’t sign up for? That is with the wearing of masks, sanitising, social distancing… The only thing is, that with conclusion, creation ends.
I could feel this conclusion in literally every area of my life. And those are the areas I have stopped creating! I am still reeling from this. I stopped dreaming, which is a disaster for an introverted, idealist dreamer and an undercover, whimsical bohemian like myself. Somewhere along the line during the last few years, life became a struggle for me… ever so slightly I gave way to despair, gave my power away to opinions, judgments, projections, the anger, anxiety and fear around me. Ever so slightly my daily journey went from ease and lightness to struggle and heaviness, to downright depression.
I realise how much I have accepted and aligned again with beliefs and self-limiting narrative not always my own. Ever so slightly I started erecting self-protective walls and shut my heart down, (and to receiving) to the point where I did not even recognise myself anymore underneath all the layers of self-judgment, denied anger and defeat. When did I stop being ME? Became so very invisible? When did I step back and become what people needed me to be? When did I stop creating greatness, freedom and ease in my life? I very much bought into other’s resistances to their own power.
Truth is… I will suffer my life until I start creating my life again with purpose and step outside of the limiting beliefs, the projections and expectations placed on me, by myself… oh yes, and others. I started wearing invisibility like a cloak, resisted visibility in every way, shape or form. I blended with my surroundings. But playing small and staying safe isn’t an option anymore. Me pretending to be invisible is also not going to make my world turn into some epic story of slow, calm and simplicity. Me resisting visibility for whatever reason, also doesn’t serve those around me… even if they want me to be invisible so they can also stay invisible and suffer and survive their lives.
Most times what we resist the most is the KEY to an incredible life! Resistance is the energy that prevents creation. The more we resist and react, the more we align and agree with the judgment, belief or projection and give our power to and is controlled and trapped by it. We basically give our power over to what we are in resistance or reaction to, be it an idea, belief, judgment, projection or person. What power do we pretend we do not have through resistance? What if we receive from what we resist the most?
What is on the other side of that door once we turn the KEY? An incredible life of ease and lightness? A mystery and adventure to be uncovered? More self-awareness and personal growth? Do I dare dream again and step through to the other side? A resounding YES from me!
Who is joining me on this journey and process of receiving and creating? Stick with me and at the least you will experience moments of whimsical self-awareness and at the most simplicity, ease and lightness.
Just bring yourself as you are, and the thing you resist the most… because that is our KEY to opening this door.